


You're Not Allowed To Be Jealous

by Why_SoSer1ous



Series: Michael Guerin's Jealousy [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Fighting, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Pining, Wild Pony (Roswell), dates that end in disaster, everything is too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_SoSer1ous/pseuds/Why_SoSer1ous
Summary: Alex thought he could have a date with Forrest.Alex thought there wouldn't be any interruptions on his date with Forrest.Alex thought Michael wouldn't be as jealous as he made out to be on his date with Forrest.
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Michael Guerin's Jealousy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131287
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	You're Not Allowed To Be Jealous

**Author's Note:**

> I'm from the UK, so any Americanisms I misquote or get drastically wrong, don't worry, I'm not doing it on purpose!

The bar was at least three-quarters full. 

It was a Thursday night. Nothing out of the ordinary to expect any more or fewer patrons inside the Wild Pony at the current hour. Nevertheless, it was bleeding with regulars. Coming and going like insects that couldn't decide whether the next bar over would indulge them in their drunken festivities. 

Amongst them was Alex. A local if not a regular, walking towards the bar with his boyfriend. A phrase he’d only recently been accustomed to speak aloud. It was new and fresh and daunting under the fixtures of the bar. But having the shorter, blue-haired man beside him put a smile on his face. 

They stood close at the bar, waiting on their drinks. Forrest leaned in to plant a kiss on Alex’s cheek. An act he wouldn’t have dared do in the past. Alex was still a little unstable, so he was pleasantly surprised when Alex turned his head and accepted the kiss on the mouth instead. It was soft and sweet and lasted several seconds longer than he’d planned. When their lips parted they didn’t get any further away from each other. Alex nestling his nose against Forrest’s, smiling into his face. Moreso at the sentiment than the actual kiss. 

Even though Jesse was dead, Alex had yet to show that much public affection. It wasn’t second nature to him because he’d never done it prior to Forrest. It had been difficult at first, but when he lowered his hand and squeezed Forrest’s hand tightly, he realized he was improving. There had been no guilt or fear or want to let go once he was holding his hand. The bar dissolved around them and they brought their lips together for the second time. 

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you,” Forrest said when he pulled back. 

Alex chased his lips with genuine disappointment when they hadn’t stayed connected for as long as he’d wanted to. “Maybe I just wanted to kiss my boyfriend,” he leaned in again but when he felt Forrest’s hand flat on his chest, he stopped. “What?”

The bartender for the night finally placed their drinks in front of them. Forrest lifted the glass to his lips with the hand that wasn’t on Alex’s chest and took a long swig. Alex watched him, disgruntled. Then, when he put the glass back down, he gestured to the end of the bar and they moved over in unison. 

“As much as I love kissing you in public, some events should be left to the comfort of our own home’s.”

Alex’s face changed from a frown to a smirk. 

He hopped onto the barstool and rubbed his hands down his thighs. Forrest had made that declaration extremely clear, clarifying this when he returned the smirk. Forrest then followed Alex’s suit and hopped onto the stool next to him. Slightly more difficult, given his height, but nonetheless happy to be sitting next to Alex. He finished his first drink in one last gulp and called the bartender over to fill the glass and keep them coming. 

After about the fourth whiskey, Alex and Forrest were laughing like maniacs. Their knees brushed against each other underneath the bar, unable to separate for more than a few seconds, and Forrest had nearly fallen off the stool on two separate occasions. Alex was sure he’d had more to drink. 

“So anyway, I kind of just assumed you were in the closet from the way you reacted.”

“Well, I still was,” Alex said. “Kind of.”

“What do you mean?”

Alex brushed his hand through his hair. Part of why he hadn’t been able to make any relationship work was his inability to open up to them. That was entirely because of Michael. Well, not Michael specifically, but their relationship, that had managed to put a hole in his life. 

He thought back to all those times that he’d been propositioned at a charity event or service that the Air Force had been present at. They’d fucked in the bathroom and then Alex had been on his way. No name. No second meeting. No nothing. The one time someone actually gave him his number, and on his way out of the building Alex had looked at it, clenched it in his fist and chucked it into the nearest trash can. 

Alex had thought he was broken. He thought Michael had broken him. And in turn, he’d broken Michael, because not for one second did Alex believe he’d had anything past a hook-up in his Airstream or a hand-job in his truck. 

He sighed. “I was in a complicated relationship. Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“What, he cheat on you or something?” Alex didn’t reply. “You cheat on him?”

“No! Nothing like that, I一”

He stopped quickly, sobering up in an instant. Realising he’d gotten suddenly defensive. It confused him for the briefest of seconds before he quickly shook his head and turned back to Forrest, grabbing his hand. 

“We, er一we were together in high school,” he started. “When I left for the Air Force, I left him behind too, and ever since I haven’t been able to open up to anybody. Not really.”

He hadn’t been looking at Forrest. The floor was a seemingly better audience for his sad confession. Forrest didn’t push him for anything more, knowing Alex was channelling something strong to even want to admit anything like this to him. 

He squeezed his hand back. Alex smiled.

“When I came back to Roswell I thought I could make it work. He was the only person I wanted to make it work with, you see,” he said, a little too emotional. “But, I was too late because by the time I’d figured out that was what I wanted, he was dating my best friend, and一”

“Wow. That’s a lot.”

Suddenly realising what he’d said, Alex quickly let go of his hand and instead put them to his face, cursing under his breath. “I said too much. I’m so fucking sorry!”

“Alex, it’s ok.” He lifted his head up with the tip of his finger, smiling when their eyes eventually met. Alex was lost, and an emotional wreck, but Forrest’s smile seemed to calm him enough to relax his shoulders and take a deep breath. “I get it,” he continued. “The whole, ‘falling in love with the wrong person thing.’”

But Alex couldn’t agree with him when he said that. Only nodded with the fake smile he was ever so used to using. Michael may have been the wrong person on the surface, but he’d be damned to admit he was anything but the love of his life. It hurt a little to continue to feel so much for him still, but he’d be lying to say he didn’t still have feelings for him. Forrest wouldn’t have understood that, so Alex kept quiet. He hadn’t even told him it was Michael, though he doubted he suspected anything一

The doors of the bar suddenly crashed open.

Alex and Forrest turned to see laughter spilling into the small bar, where enough residents poured into the remaining space to fill it from nasal to neck. A group of men, they’d noticed. But amongst the group, with his arm snugly around one of the them, was none other than一

“I can’t catch a fucking break,” Alex muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

Forrest dropped it, following his eyes instead and noticed the rugged cowboy that was the only one of the group that he recognised. Alex was clearly staring at him, but there was something else lingering in the back of his mind. It was a mix of emotion. Annoyance was as clear as day. But that wasn’t just it. There was arrogance, hate and familiarity. He turned back to Alex who hadn’t realised he was looking back at him; his eyes still fixed on Guerin. 

“You want to say ‘hi’ to him?”

“What?” Alex said, startled and embarrassed that he forgot Forrest was still there. “No, of course not. Why would I want to do that?” It was harsher than he’d wanted it to sound, made worse when he saw the look on Forrest’s face and was immediately guilty. 

“I’m sorry. Can we just get a table, away from the一noise?”

Forrest smiled and grabbed onto Alex’s hand when he pulled him to the nearest table against the wall. They sat on either side of the booth, but Alex managed to wrap his heel around Forrest’s ankle underneath the table which exerted a charming chuckle from the other man. It made Alex happy to hear him laugh; cancelling out the sound around them and putting them in their own little bubble.

In contrast, on the other side of the bar, Michael had walked in acting drunker than he actually was. Unlike the collateral that surrounded him, he’d only had two beers around midday. He was practically sober. But, bumping into the drunks had been a blessing in disguise. Michael had noticed one of them staring at him as he was leaning up against his truck一his friends elbowing him and whistling to approach him一but Michael was the one that approached. 

When they walked inside, Michael scanned the bar for the only man he was looking for. Keeping calculated, so to not meet his eyes when he immediately noticed him staring in his direction. He then removed his arm from the man’s shoulder and clung onto his muscle-toned arm, like a teenage girl and her prom date. He swore he could hear Alex scoff through the crowd. A fact he failed to verify before turning back towards the man and giggling. 

He could tell Alex and Forrest had barely spoken two words to each other once Michael had entered. Trying as he might, it was difficult to succumb to his smile. So, when he watched Alex pull Forrest to the table, he waited. 

And waited and waited and waited.

He waited until Alex eventually turned back towards him and the man that he’d been holding onto since they’d walked in was gratefully surprised when Michael kissed him on the lips, up against the pool table. He pressed his hands on either side of his body on the top of the table, and since he was slightly taller than Michael, he was somehow leaning back and pushing forwards at the same time. The boys in the band were cheering them on, surprising for the type of bar it had been in the past. 

Michael enjoyed the kiss. It’s not like he couldn’t. This man was clearly enjoying it too as he attempted to slip his tongue in Michael’s mouth, which almost worked. But, he pulled back just in time, a little too breathless, and put his finger to his lips. 

“Second base for a second date.”

He was toying with him. He didn’t care. He barely wanted a first date with anybody. Anybody but Alex. 

“Do you see what he did? See what he does?” Alex scoffed, staring back at Forrest in anguish. 

“Well, I think一and this is just me putting pieces together一that Guerin might be your ex.”

“You got that, huh?”

“Without a doubt,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I had a feeling when I met you.”

Alex tilted his head to the side, slightly. Thinking thoughtfully. “Back at the barn? But we weren’t even together at that point.”

“Unfathomable sexual tension you guys must go through, then.”

“You have no idea.”

Alex thought back to all the times where they’d been together but not together. The list seemed to be neverending where one or both of them were staring at the other without noticing. He remembered touching his arm but not with present emotion. It was refined, emotionless. Or at least he’d tried to without it meaning more. And then Michael had left him stolen glances that could surpass any list of touches or looks that Alex had given in return. At a time where he’d pushed him away and Michael had wanted more. Their timing was always disjointed. 

And then he’d sang to him. That one time that maybe they were on the same page. Michael had been watching and smiling and loving him一but then maybe he hadn’t. 

He’d left before Alex could ask. But Forrest was there. Forrest had been there and he was in awe of Alex and for once, Alex was happy to kiss a man that wanted to be with every aspect of him. 

“Alex一!?”

Forrest pulled him out of his trance. If he’d been talking, Alex had missed it. He turned to his left and Michael was leaning up against the table still, with his focus solely on Alex. He frowned in response, angry. 

“What am I supposed to do?” he said. “I can’t have one moment with my boyfriend without him interfering.”

“I’m not saying you should,” Forrest replied, on the edge of caution. “But talking to him might be your only option.”

“He’s doing it on purpose.”

“I know.”

“Just to get my attention.”

“I know.” 

He stands up and Alex finally looks up at him. “What are you doing?”

Forrest grabs his jacket on the side of the chair and climbs out of the booth. He walks over to Alex’s side of the table and puts his palm to his cheek, softly. Sweetly. 

“I’ll leave the two of you to it,” he smiles, giving Alex one last kiss on the lips. Short. Chaste. All the meaning in the world. “I’ll be at home. Call me if you’re coming round.” He winks at him which melts Alex’s heart, before he walks towards the doors. Not giving Michael the sordid glance that he gives him from across the room, as he leaves the bar alone. 

Michael waits for the doors to close completely before pushing himself off the table and walks over to Alex’s table. The man and the muscles all but forgotten as he climbs into Forrest’s vacant seat opposite Alex. 

“Is he always like that?”

“Like what?

“Overt with public affection.”

Alex scoffs, which almost turns into coughing when he catches the reminiscent phlegm in the back of his throat. Michael raises an eyebrow, waiting for Alex to compose himself. 

“What are you doing, Guerin?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do I一? You’re joking, right?” Alex half-shouted, on the verge of a breakdown. “You have no right, Guerin. No fucking right! This attitude of yours isn’t fair.”

“I don’t think you understand一”

“You’re not allowed to be jealous!” he shouted. 

Michael leaned back after realising he was pressed forwards against the table. Crossing his hands over his lap in an attempt to stop moving. Alex was angry. This he knew. What he didn’t expect was the outburst in front of him. His eyes never left Alex, and he watched as he crossed and uncrossed his arms, choosing what position would be best to erupt in a moment’s notice. 

“You’re not allowed because that isn’t fair,” he started. “I watched and waited for months while you flaunted Maria in front of me like I wasn’t even there. Like we’d never had any history. Like I was一I was meaningless,” he was on the verge of tears and Michael went to speak up but he put his hand up which stopped him. He wasn’t finished. “God, it has taken me this long to realise that I didn’t deserve any of that shit! I deserve better. I have better!”

He pushed himself out the booth, more anger than tears but they were both still there. Michael almost fell as he followed suit and stumbled whilst following Alex out.

“Don’t go, please,” he said, grabbing onto Alex’s arm.

“Guerin一”

“Alex.” 

They looked back at one another. Alex trying not to feel the tightness of Michael’s hand. The warm feeling he got whenever he’d touched him in the past. His bare hands on bare skin一a mixture of rough and smooth feeling. Alex couldn’t do it. As much as he wanted, it was too much.

“I loved you,” he said. Michael loosening his hand at the past tense. “And then you took that away from me. From both of us. I just can’t anymore.”

He shrugged him off, turning on his heel and walking out. 

Michael didn’t follow him. Not this time. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t his time. He’d crossed the line and he knew it. Flaunting another person in his face to make him jealous when it was always him. Alex had walked through the doors quicker than expected and Michael didn’t realise he was crying until the tears fell over his open lips一breathing heavily一he swallowed the salty mess. 

Alex was his end and Michael would never stop loving him. 

Not for anything.


End file.
